06/02/10

you will be fine later, and then forever.
You are too far away now that I would not be able to reach you anymore.

Like you've said, you've survived without me for so long and you've grown alot by yourself and through others all these years.

And I believe, this is where we reach the final episode of our faded journey. This is probably where we begin the endless cycle of 'hi', 'bye' and occasional 'how's your life'.

Thank you

but I won't say sorry anymore, because I think I've said it too many times. You deserve better and you will continue to be better.




The closeness between two people are directly proportional to the actual physical distance between them.

- KCY


I don't know me... at 06/02/10 2:20 PM Sad Notes you leave for me?... (0)

22/01/10

strangest creatures
Women are the strangest creatures ever. They like to hear things that they want to hear from you, they do not need to know whether its true. And they like to tell you things that just jolt a thought in every man's mind, 'What was the purpose behind that sentence?'

Leading men on, is the oldest magic women play on men. Now they have a newer and far more powerful tricks up their sleeves. They like to play with your feelings, occasionally toggle your egos and ultimately always testing your patience.

Maybe all they want is a kiss, a hug or a reassuring 'I love you' after they throw the whole world upside down, tears smudged their make up and they hurled words at you and you'll never imagine they would speak them.

I am of many things but often I am wrong. However, I was sure what I am not. Then the girl of my life proves it wrong. Sometimes I wonder, even with the magnitude of my heart, it still isn't enough for her.

Some memories will stab you everytime you try to even begin recounting it. Some feelings will make your heart ache and hell suddenly feels so much more appealing.

Some words will remain in your mind, resonating eternally, haunting...

and so begin my sleepless nights.

I don't know me... at 22/01/10 3:09 PM Sad Notes you leave for me?... (0)

13/01/10

乱爱情烦

平则乱 乱而更乱 更乱中带乱 成乱上加乱
此为爱也

静则烦 烦必携烦 成烦了又烦 终必凡事都烦 此乃情也
I don't know me... at 13/01/10 1:48 PM Sad Notes you leave for me?... (0)

13/01/10

dried up tears

What I see, you standing helplessly at the door, with tears in your eyes, thinking that how cruel I've become to only leave without hesitation; your hurt behind the tears.

What you don't see, I constantly lost sleep, punching myself indefinitely, torn apart by your past and your actions that sometimes don't match your words; my hurt behind the dried up tears.

But I don't lose sleep anymore.
And the hurt is getting less in doses, like how one whips oneself thrice a day, at the end of 730 days, would one still yelp in pain?


I don't know me... at 13/01/10 9:37 AM Sad Notes you leave for me?... (0)

08/12/09

illusion as happiness

Things are different now, despite all those revealing differences from that of 1000 plus days ago, i still felt the same.

And im sure you still felt the same, unmoved.

It was an impossibility.

It is still one.

Am I just happy the things are just the way they are, or perhaps a little bit better? Maybe, but i know it will take alot for me to do what I had done. I hope you kept it, i probably wouldn't be able to produce another one like that.

Whatever doesn't happen in reality, i made it up in the dreams.

Illusion as happiness, with insatiable yearning. A monster is brewing.

I don't know me... at 08/12/09 4:09 PM Sad Notes you leave for me?... (0)

04/12/09

none

Someday she will meet an amazing boy, beautiful, new, and unexplored. He will kiss her neck and hold her hand in public, know that her new favourite colour is green, and that she only has one dog now. He will love her.

She puts pen to paper—

...

But she will never forget the boy that once broke her heart. She could grow old, her face fill up with wrinkles but her memories would be as vivid as the day he uttered

'Because I don’t regret it right now'

Perhaps she would learn to be appreciative of the amazing boy that she currently has and perhaps life is so much better than before.

But she will never forget, never ever forget, that soft arches of his eyebrows, the texture of his palms when they run against her waist and the taste, the once sweet taste of his lips.

He is and will always be, what's that word again?

Irreplaceable, yeah that's it.

I don't know me... at 04/12/09 8:12 AM Sad Notes you leave for me?... (0)

25/11/09

the proof
I know, the last time this blog updated was about 3 months ago. I suffered a severe writer's block, everytime I begin writing something, I would deem the work not good enough and destroy it all together.

So here I am, after months to only regret how many more meaningful posts I could write in my whole life. Today, its about death.

So a book that I have read teaches people about imagining the scene of your funeral. How would the people you left behind think of you? Have you been a righteous, upright and bright person? Surely we don't expect much tears and moaning but would we have at least hope that our loved ones would eternally miss us?

Perhaps, but is that good enough? Maybe some of us will feel satisfied enough but not for me, not a single bit. Those that remember us would only last as long till they too, meet their makers. Would you have hoped you become a legacy of your generation? With your name to be on the lips of your great grandchildrens and how proud they would be as your descendents. Or perhaps to be well-recognised in the world for a famous achievement or two, to be immortalized. To put you at ranks with the likes of Aristotle, Alexander the great, Issac Newtons, Albert Einstein, Descartes, William Blake, Shakespeare and Mother Teresa. Only through this that your name would be remember for generation to come or perhaps some of us don't seek such fame and prefer anonymity. Perhaps a more average, peaceful life but nevertheless, satisfying and happy.

If you were to know that you are going to die in the next minute, would you have reflected your life? Has it been a rough ride? Was it fun, did you have regrets? Would you have done the same things over and over again? A merely 70 plus years you exist on the face of this Earth, have you left something valuable for the future generations? Or perhaps, have you walked on the wrong path of the road, or in circles, or in opposite directions?

What sort of coffin suits your taste, what kinds of flowers you wish to lie with? What are your loved ones wearing, what are they saying? Would you be missed, have you been loved?

'Live life at its best, at present.' To say that this is a cliche is no understatement but how many of us could achieve that. Are we living the lives we want, or maybe the lives our parents want, or more miserably, the lives that our society wants? Is it important? No, I don't think so. The fact that your are considering its significance, your life just flew past by for another ten seconds.

What did you die of? Accidents? Was it irresponsibility on your part? Could you have driven slower, could you have been just a little bit more careful? Did you also 'accidentally' brought others down into the depth of the earth with you? Would you have been apologetic?

Death is not at all scary, what scares me the most is that I cease to exist.

Death, is merely just another mean to get there.

I don't know me... at 25/11/09 11:43 AM Sad Notes you leave for me?... (0)